Psalm of Job

I was very excited to see the daily readings from the book of Job a couple of weeks ago. To some, the book of Job may seem rather dismal and depressing...but to me it is a beautiful reminder.

It's been almost four years since I wrote Psalm of Job...a song that echoes the words of Job in the Old Testament. 

Thank you Lord when You give

 Praise You still when You take

Let all be for Your glory

May my life be a sacrifice of praise

Your will not mine, Your will not mine

You behold the ends of the earth and see all that is under the heavens

For the wisdom of God far surpasses that of man

You see my ways and You number my steps

I know that You can do all things

and no purpose of Yours can be hindered

I have dealt with great things that I cannot understand

Things too wonderful for me, which I cannot know

When my soul does not have strength, blessed be the name of the Lord

When I cannot see the way, blessed be the name of the Lord

When You give and when You take, blessed be the name of the Lord

I've been "writing" songs since I was eight. You can ask my parents for an embarrassing litany of my childhood hits, including my debut with "My Dreams are Full of Violets". How am I not wildly famous already? :P

But joking aside, writing music has always been a very important expression of prayer for me. When my heart is happy, it sings. When my heart is struggling, I sing. And when I am faced by realities outside of my control...I sing. 

How Psalm of Job came to be written is a bit of a long story...but I'll sum it up quickly. I wrote the song during my first year of service with NET. Losing one teammate and gaining another caused my heart to cling to the words of Job: "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; Blessed be the name of the Lord." Throughout the remainder of my missionary year, the song grew in my heart until it was complete.

But I had no idea how much the Lord would use that song of my heart.

I've had the opportunity to share Psalm of Job with a number of people, and missionaries after me started to use it in their praise and worship. It's not an exaggeration at this point to say that hundreds of people have heard Psalm of Job. This summer I even had the opportunity to lead over a hundred people in worship during Adoration...and I was able to pray this song of my heart with them. 

That's pretty cool. It's actually REALLY cool. 

But I'm shocked at how much significance this song has to me, even now. In the quiet of my heart. In my daily experiences and interactions.

Because my life is BEAUTIFUL. My life is GOOD. I am blessed beyond measure. And yet, this little heart looks at a hurting world...and I need to hear those words again. I look at my own little crosses, and the much more painful crosses of others...and my heart cries these words. 

And I'm realizing the importance of praying these words at all times. In the joy, and in the pain. Because this is my mission statement: for my life to be a sacrifice of praise. Life is full of different seasons... and some will be harder than others. I want to be near to the Lord in every moment...not just when I am crushed beneath the weight of loss or pain or anxiety or turmoil. 

A few people caught this at my wedding, but one of the reasons I love Oh God Beyond All Praising SOOOO much is because it uses these very words: "We sing before Your beauty and glory in Your ways, and make a joyful duty our sacrifice of praise." 

Life is beautiful. Life is good. But that doesn't make my need to cling to Christ any less. 

When my soul does not have strength...

When I cannot see the way...

When You give and when You take...

blessed be the name of the Lord

Discernment and the Beautiful Right Now

Prayer has been very interesting lately.

And by "very interesting", I mean....not so particularly interesting.

I think for a long time I bought into the stereotype for Christians in their mid-twenties that prayer should be filled with discernment of God's will. Lord, where do you want me to go? What do you want me to do? How do you want me to make this decision? Now, it should be noted that learning how to discern God's will in my life was a necessary, painful, beautiful, and very necessary growing process for me the past several years. You don't do two years of missionary work, up and move your life to a new city, get married, and up and move your life to ANOTHER new city on a whim. Or at least, you don't if you are ME.

But somewhere along the way of discernment, I think we can lose ourselves in the process to the point that discernment becomes our goal. At least, that's what I'm pretty sure I've done in the past. And now I'm (somewhat) settled where I am. I've found my vocation, I'm working a job that I love, and life is kind of settling into a beautifully normal routine...and it's weird to not be discerning something.

I came to that thought/realization this morning after my prayer time. Because the last couple of days I have started my prayer with a very simple, "Thank You, Lord". Simple, because nothing too extraordinary has happened. And yet, I find myself so incredibly grateful for the little moments of each day. Life with Ryan. Life in Ohio. New friends. New job. New routine. Discovering new passions. Building new dreams. Nothing extraordinary...and yet I find beauty in the ordinary and the simple.

I know that I am where I am supposed to be. And that is a gift. 

But that also catches me off guard, because I'm realizing I have this tendency...a sort of reflex that I've developed to look for "what's next". And I've started to fight it...because I don't want to know what's next.

There are decisions to be made. There are dreams to be built. There are goals to chase. 

But right now is good. Right now is beautiful.

As I write this, I remember the crazy-emotional girl who was riding in the car with her handsome, charming boyfriend...knowing (through some feminine intuition) that he was planning to propose to her in the near future. And as she sat there, watching the scenery flash by as they drove, she was excited and nervous...and maybe a smidge sad. Not because she didn't want to marry him (because she did!). But because those seven months they had dated were good. They were beautiful. And she didn't want to lose it.

That girl was me. That night as we drove I said, "Life is so good right now. But I know that life will change...and I know that it will be good. But I think I'll miss right now."

Yes, sometimes I talk like a character in a sappy novel. But I think that what I said that night holds true for me even now. And I'd like to think that Mrs. Me can learn something from Miss Me.

So for right now...for today...let me live in the moment. Let me rejoice in those little every day occurrences. Let me bask in the present. I'll do today's work, make today's decisions, enjoy today's moments...and I pray that I'll have the humility and the wisdom to let that be enough.

Because change is a part of life. Sooner or later, I'll have to discern something. And then I will :)

But...life is so good right now. And I know that life will change...and I know that it will be good. But I don't want to miss right now.