Not Yet.

I'm a romantic.

I've had dreams of my perfect life since the time I was little. Seven-year-old Catherine would walk around the yard, picking flowers, singing to myself, and dreaming of all the exciting things I would do when I grew up. As I got older, I would while away my time dreaming of my perfect man...the one who would waltz into my life, sweep me off my feet, and then live with me happily ever after. And now that I'm a logical adult...I dream of white picket fences and granite counter tops, wood floors and curtains that coordinate with my perfect furniture. 

I'm a planner.

Post-it notes, "to-do" lists, pocket calendars, folders, files, lists, checklists...these are my friends. Being organized makes me feel "IN CONTROL" of my plans and activities. I enjoy planning...to a fault. I've been known on several...er...many occasions to draw up a full blown plan with spreadsheets and itemized checklists before the objective is even a realistic possibility. For instance: I've planned entire trips to Europe that I will probably never take (thank you Pinterest).

So yeah. I mean...I guess I've thought of my future once or twice.

I've never been happier with where my life is. I'm married to the love of my life, I have fantastic friends, a great job, and I live in a city that I've fallen in love with. I'm accomplishing more, I know myself better than ever before, and I'm enjoying the day-to-day tasks and events that fill my calendar. I've found a new peace with being where I am.

And yet.

I sometimes find myself pining for those romantic plans that I have drawn up in my head.

Sometimes what I see in front of me doesn't match up with those white picket fences and life plans I have for Ryan and I. And even though we might be moving gradually towards them...sometimes that movement seems too slow to perceive. 

And in the midst of my thought and plans and dreams, the Lord whispers one thing to this heart:

"Not yet."

Sometimes I'm like a whiny kid in the backseat of the car on a long roadtrip. I keep complaining and asking God, "Why is this taking so long? Are we there yet?" But we aren't. Not yet.

He knows what is best for us. He holds our days in His hands. And I am confident that the reason all my dreams and schemes haven't been realized yet is because it's not time...not yet. 

Waiting is HARD. But the very best things in my life have been the ones I had to wait for....and in the end, they have been SO worth the wait.

I grew up, and I have done some pretty exciting things (not least of which being my time as a missionary). 

My knight in shining Altima swept me off my feet, and every day we're living the joy and hard work of that "happily-ever-after" adventure. 

And the big question is this: If I never get these things...if these plans and dreams never come true...would the life that I have be enough? 

When I'm faced with that question...wow. Yeah. I wouldn't trade this for anything. My life up until now definitely hasn't gone according to scheme...and yet I'm happier than I ever could have imagined I would be.

So, God...yeah. You're right. Just because my dreams aren't right now doesn't mean that I can't trust You. Because I can. You know well the plans you have for us. And if Your plans are different than mine...*deep breath*...BRING IT. Because I know You have something incredible planned for us...I just don't know what it is. Not yet.