When It's Quiet

I love being with people. I'd say that comes from being one of nine kids, but that theory doesn't hold up with my introverted siblings. I love talking, and I talk a lot. I externally process, so I have to talk out my thoughts before I can really understand them.

But lately, I've found myself with a lot of good old-fashioned "alone time".

Which means it is quiet.

I have this tendency to fill quiet. Talking or singing or playing music or watching Netflix all become an instant go-to when I walk into an empty apartment. I'm especially bad when I'm in my car. I switch from station to station like its my personal life goal to find the perfect tune to match the 3.42 minutes it will take me to get to my destination. It's like I feel I need to "fix" the quiet. 

Why? Why is background noise (or foreground noise) so stinking important to me? Right this VERY instant I'm sitting on my couch. It's just me here, and I have music playing. It should be noted that I LOVE music. But...there is a trend that I've noticed the past several days. I'm very quick to fill the quiet.

Okay, I just turned the music off.

...

I can hear the little kids who live above us running around. Probably playing before bed. I can hear my laptop humming. And I can hear that it is quiet.

Quiet gives me a lot of time to think. To wonder, to worry, to dream to make decisions. It gives me a chance to spend time with me instead of spending time with The Lumineers, Parks & Rec or the Relient K guitar riff I'm trying to learn. And sometimes I forget the importance of spending time with myself and understanding where I'm at. 

I don't intend to, but sometimes I drown myself out. I automatically fill every minute. I don't just sit and read like I used to. I don't curl up on the couch with a cup of tea. (Now I'm starting to sound like a Jane-Austen-novel-character-wannabe). But for real. I love little moments. I love savoring the simple things. And yet, when I have the opportunity to do just that, I waste a couple hours watching tv shows on Hulu. 

So I'm challenging myself to spend a little more time in quiet. 

I don't want my life to be loud. I want to savor each moment. So I'm going to close my laptop and make some tea. I'll probably wash those dishes that I've been avoiding for a couple episodes of "What Not To Wear". And then I might read a book. Or maybe I'll just sit and drink that tea. 

After all...I'm Catherine. As soon as my roommate comes home or my fiance calls, I'll have more than enough words to say. So I'm going to do my best not to waste this quiet. 

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,

Catherine