When It's Quiet

I love being with people. I'd say that comes from being one of nine kids, but that theory doesn't hold up with my introverted siblings. I love talking, and I talk a lot. I externally process, so I have to talk out my thoughts before I can really understand them.

But lately, I've found myself with a lot of good old-fashioned "alone time".

Which means it is quiet.

I have this tendency to fill quiet. Talking or singing or playing music or watching Netflix all become an instant go-to when I walk into an empty apartment. I'm especially bad when I'm in my car. I switch from station to station like its my personal life goal to find the perfect tune to match the 3.42 minutes it will take me to get to my destination. It's like I feel I need to "fix" the quiet. 

Why? Why is background noise (or foreground noise) so stinking important to me? Right this VERY instant I'm sitting on my couch. It's just me here, and I have music playing. It should be noted that I LOVE music. But...there is a trend that I've noticed the past several days. I'm very quick to fill the quiet.

Okay, I just turned the music off.

...

I can hear the little kids who live above us running around. Probably playing before bed. I can hear my laptop humming. And I can hear that it is quiet.

Quiet gives me a lot of time to think. To wonder, to worry, to dream to make decisions. It gives me a chance to spend time with me instead of spending time with The Lumineers, Parks & Rec or the Relient K guitar riff I'm trying to learn. And sometimes I forget the importance of spending time with myself and understanding where I'm at. 

I don't intend to, but sometimes I drown myself out. I automatically fill every minute. I don't just sit and read like I used to. I don't curl up on the couch with a cup of tea. (Now I'm starting to sound like a Jane-Austen-novel-character-wannabe). But for real. I love little moments. I love savoring the simple things. And yet, when I have the opportunity to do just that, I waste a couple hours watching tv shows on Hulu. 

So I'm challenging myself to spend a little more time in quiet. 

I don't want my life to be loud. I want to savor each moment. So I'm going to close my laptop and make some tea. I'll probably wash those dishes that I've been avoiding for a couple episodes of "What Not To Wear". And then I might read a book. Or maybe I'll just sit and drink that tea. 

After all...I'm Catherine. As soon as my roommate comes home or my fiance calls, I'll have more than enough words to say. So I'm going to do my best not to waste this quiet. 

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,

Catherine

Life Isn't Fair, and I Don't Deserve This

Last week I was in a terrible mood for no good reason. Things seemed to be going wrong on every front. I was crabby and whiny and a general pain to be around. When things took longer than expected or my plans went askew I reacted like a five-year-old who doesn't get her way.  Unfortunately, it wasn't until Friday that I really became aware of just how ridiculous I was being. Somewhere deep inside of me, concupiscence was objecting loudly to the minor irritations of my week, striking up the age-old cry, "This isn't fair! I don't deserve this!"

My mother (wise as she is) would always caution us kids, "Life isn't fair." But somehow that nugget of wisdom managed to slip through the cracks of my mind and had no bearing on my expectations last week.

Nothing bad actually happened. And that's the thing, I can't even really give specific examples of what was bothering me...but I let my own selfishness dominate my actions. I felt entitled to having things go my way, or at the very least cooperate with my preferences. Where on earth did that come from?

And when I become selfish and feel entitled I forget to be grateful. 

I was being a brat and I had to change something. What were my expectations, and why weren't they being met? Why was I so crabby all week?

After some reflection, I realized I was right. This isn't fair. I don't deserve this. But that is exactly what I had lost sight of.

I'm usually pretty good at recognizing the blessings in my life. People joke that I overuse the phrase, "I love my life!" But this past week I was really good at picking out all the difficulties and little crosses that the Lord was good enough to put in my path. Because the thing is, He has a much better grasp on my need for humility than I do.

You see, I'm being reminded that I need to be grateful for the good in my life. Because I don't deserve it. The good in my life is abundant beyond what I deserve. The Love that I have experienced surpasses my greatest hopes. Time after time God has been faithful in providing for me (and let me assure you, that isn't because I earned it).

And this gratitude is crucial because that's what keeps me humble and reminds me that God is God and I am just Catherine. While I was busy focusing on the thorns in my week, God had a much bigger theme in mind for me. Per usual, it was exactly what I needed. I need to be aware of all this good. I need to be grateful for my life, my family, my job, my fiance (who has been unwaveringly patient with his future wife and loves me so well)...I even need to be grateful for the difficulties and the struggles. Because without them, I wouldn't be aware of how blessed I truly am.

Yeah, life isn't fair and I definitely don't deserve this. And Praise God.


Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,
Catherine 

"Be Satisfied With Me" (Part 2)

NOTE: This is Part 2 of this blog post...if you missed Part 1, you can find it here.


That poem I was given in 2008 rocked my world. It opened me to truths I hadn't realized, and convicted me to make concrete decisions in my pursuit of self-discovery and holiness. I realized I needed to choose my faith, that I needed to know God in order to know who I was called to be, and that God had a plan for me. A good plan.

But the wonderful and difficult thing about growth is that it implies change. I am not personally the biggest fan of change. Er, let me rephrase. I have a really difficult time with change. But since God is God and I'm a slow learner, He has been generous in giving me plenty of mind blowing truths to transform my heart and mind and prepare me for the good He has in store.

One such moment happened a couple of years ago. I was having a conversation with a few other people, including a very wise man I happen to know who was talking to the rest of us (all single) about marriage. We were talking about how to find "The One"...that ambiguous and elusive "perfect match"...*cue the violin music, in strolls Mr. Tall, Dark & Catholic* And this wise individual said one of the most shocking things I'd ever heard.

"Oh no, it's not like there is one person you are destined to marry."

WaitI'msorrycomeagain...WHAT?!

In the middle of this conversation I got really quiet and my mind started racing. But what about that "I desire to have you both ready at the same time" stuff? What about "the most thrilling plan existing"?? God doesn't have a plan for my future husband?

So yes, I might have panicked a little bit. And the other singles in the group seemed to have the same reaction. Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. Noobs, all of us.

But we decided to poll a few more opinions. We asked another knowledgeable married person. Who gave us the same answer.

Why did this terrify me? Because up to that point, I felt that I had to DO the right things, follow the predetermined path to find my soul mate. So if I didn't have a soul mate, how was I supposed to find the man I was supposed to marry? And that didn't sound romantic. I was scared.

I definitely had to take this to prayer. But after reflection and over the course of several months, my heart started to change. I realized that God did have a plan for me, but that it might look different than I had originally thought. I have heard it said (in a loose translation of a quote by St. Augustine) "Love God and do what you want." Meaning, if we love God and seek Him with all our heart, and make decisions according to the commandments He has given us, then we will be in line with His will. Which means...that far from being unromantic, God gives us the freedom to choose. God loves us enough to give us free will...to enable us to love. Because, without free will and the ability to make choices for ourselves, we are incapable of choosing to love.

This is actually a concept that has been swirling around a lot lately...and this blogger explains it far better than I can! When I came across her article a few months ago, these thoughts finally solidified in my head.

And THAT was when I was able to reconcile this concept that we don't have soul mates with the truth that God does a plan for us.

Because God does want to give me that "love far more wonderful than anything you can imagine". And He has. But not at all in the way that I planned or expected. God knew the desires of my heart better than I did, and He has given me a man far more wonderful than any guy I ever imagined. This man chooses to love me every day, just as I choose to love him.

I'm so grateful that I didn't fall in love the way that I thought I would. It wasn't an instant "Aha!" moment...it was lots of little moments...moments that I'm going to treasure forever. It has been an experience of learning how to love this man who will be my husband, and learning to open myself to receiving his love. Its more romantic than any chick flick love story because it is real and authentic love. Love that is a choice.

And most beautiful of all is that I know that this man's love is never going to be enough for me. I know he will love me and care for me and honor me for the rest of our lives. But it can never be enough on its own. Because it isn't intended to be. There is another Love far greater...and that is the Love that will bind us together. That is the Love that both of us have to be lost in if we want to love each other.

This is the mystery that I am beholding in my own life right now. The faithfulness of our God who knows the desires of our hearts and satisfies them in ways beyond our wildest imaginations. "I AM GOD. Believe and be satisfied."

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,
Catherine

"Be Satisfied With Me" (Part 1)

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be a long post with multiple installments. And hopefully there is a point to it.

“Thou hast made us for thyself, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in Thee.” 

-St. Augustine, Confessions

That restless, longing heart. Sometimes we wander in sin, but so often in complacency. I'm so incredibly humbled when I look back and realize how far I was from God in my complacency, and how close He has drawn me. In Him I find my rest.

We are longing for the desired of our hearts to be filled, but they can never satisfy us until we find our ultimate satisfaction in Christ. In authentic relationship with Him. And the beautiful thing is that God is so incredibly faithful in satisfying those desires of our heart...He first wants to draw us in, to pursue us and make us fall in love with Him before those other desires can distract us from our true goal.

This would be one of the top five things I wish I could have told sixteen-year-old Catherine.

Now, to kind of switch gears, picture me in high school. Woah, actually, DON'T. High school wasn't the most pleasant of experiences for me, and suffice it to say I was not exactly a smash hit in the popular crowd. But that's not my point. Me: oldest of nine kids, totally unsure what to do with my life, practicing and active Catholic but cradle Catholic in the truest sense of the word. My parents are amazing Catholics, and growing up my faith was a huge part of my life. I have always loved and lived out my faith. But for a long time it was really just going through the motions...doing it because it was what I knew. And I thought I loved it. Great. Keep that in mind.

Throughout high school, but especially in my junior and senior year, I was a typical girl and I wanted a boy to give me flowers and think I was pretty and I wanted to fall in love and get married and live happily ever after. So, yeah. My group of friends was pretty borderline obsessed with boys. I wasn't nearly as obsessed with them, but its pretty fair to say that "finding love" was my focus. I wanted Mr. Tall, Dark & Catholic to waltz into my life and sweep me off my feet. But I was also pretty despairing of that ever happening. So, in true teenage fashion, I swung on a pendulum of emotions that made me dream of fairy-tale endings and moonlight dances but also made me expect and plan for a lonely life as a cat lady in small town Iowa.

I didn't have any plan for my life. No career path, no concrete steps towards bettering society. Not even really any solid ideas. And that scared me. I wanted to do something worthwhile, but I was terrified of change. I wasn't happy where I was, I didn't like the small town Iowa scene, but I didn't really see a way out of that. All of this made for a pretty bleak outlook on my life.

But there was a point when I started feeling a tug on my heart. A pull to go deeper. To find something more. More than just having a plan for my life, more than finding some dude who was willing to put up with me, and more than just going through the motions in my faith.

In 2008, I was given the following "poem" at a youth event. It has been attributed to St. Anthony of Padua, though I haven't been able to find the source. This poem ROCKED. MY. WORLD. And it was, in a lot of ways, the very first step of my conversion...my journey of falling in love with the Lord. This poem is called "Be Satisfied With Me".

Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to the Christian, says, "No, not until you are satisfied with living for Me and being loved by Me alone and having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

"I love you my child; and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

I want you to stop planning and stop wanting, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan ever existing--one that you cannot even imagine.

I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you--just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things--keep experiencing that satisfaction in Me, knowing that I AM--keep learning and listening to the things that I tell you.

You must wait. Do not be anxious. Do not worry. Do not look around at the things others have gained for themselves or that I have given them. Do not look at the things you want. Just keep looking at Me or you will miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream of. You see, until you are ready (and even at this minute I desire to have you both ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied with Me and the life that I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me--and this is perfect love.

And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me and to enjoy the everlasting union of beauty and love.

I AM GOD. Believe and be satisfied."

I could probably write a book on the ways that this poem changed my life. Instead, I'll make do with a couple of blog posts. But literally this poem gave me a new outlook. I realized that I needed to make Christ my priority. I realized that the well-worn phrase "God has a plan for your life" was true, but I could only participate in that plan if I stepped out in faith and DID something. I needed to learn to be satisfied with God...to have that be enough for me and more than enough for me before I could even start thinking about what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be.

I also made the crucial and painful realization that I didn't have the foggiest idea of who I was. Really, I just didn't know myself well at all. I didn't know what the desires of my heart were, and even if I had an idea of what they were I didn't know why I desired those things. And so I came to the conclusion that until I knew myself and had learned to be satisfied with God, I was not ready to be in a romantic relationship.

My desire to have a real relationship with God, and my decision to not date in high school were my only two nuggets of wisdom. Other than that, I was clueless.

But I prayed with this poem every day for almost two years. "I AM GOD. Believe and be satisfied." These words rang in my brain.

I started praying for my future husband. I had a feeling that he was in a very different place than me. But I trusted those words "until you are both satisfied with Me and the life that I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me- and this is perfect love."

And throughout the next couple of years, I fell madly in love with the One whose Love is perfect. I stopped waiting for my future and started jumping into it (kicking and screaming at first, but gradually I came to jump into that unknown with excitement).

I came to know myself. I learned my strengths, my gifts, my weaknesses, my total failures, and the desires of my heart. I kept praying for that man...my future husband...and my expectations were shaped to match my desires, and trusting..."I want you to have this most wonderful love."

To be continued...

Isn't It Pinteresting?

Let it be known: I am a huge fan of Pinterest.

Many a weeknight of mine has been spent perusing the culinary glories and fashion wonders that thousands of women have "pinned". Am I proud of this? Well I'm not going to go so far as to say that I'm ashamed. Christian, know thyself. 

Pinterest is probably best known for its cornucopia of wedding ideas. Which is highly useful for someone who is planning a wedding (e.g. THIS girl). But interestingly enough, single women are somewhat judged for pinning cute ideas for wedding centerpieces, DIY save the dates and "The Top 10 Wedding Pictures You'll Regret Not Taking". And then when some guy decides to take Beyonce's advice and "put a ring on it", the newly engaged woman is expected to be an expert on all things wedding. Ladies and...well, probably just the ladies...I give you, The Private Wedding Board. God bless the person who created this setting on Pinterest. GENIUS.

This is how I carefully hid reserved the wedding ideas that I did want to save for future reference without causing a brouhaha before I got engaged. Clever? I think so. Sneaky? Probably. Useful? Absolutely. 

But to be perfectly honest with you...I can't wait until I have no more need for the overabundance of wedding posts on Pinterest. It's fun and all. But I can't wait until I can put all of the extravagant and unrealistic ideas and decor to rest. I can't wait until I'm married and I've had my "perfect" wedding and I can focus on more important things. Like the rest of life that will happen AFTER I get married. 

Fear not, my friends. Lest you think I've gone off the deep end with Pinteresting. I have not. To be honest, if this was a public pool I'd probably only be at the 3-foot marker. 

Wedding ideas isn't all that Pinterest is good for. Instead, I give you one word. FOOD. Pinterest contains more pictures of food, quotes about food and recipes to create said food than an Iron Chef could shake a stick of butter at. (I'm not sure what that meant and it might have been a run-on sentence...but bear with me). And if you didn't know this about me, you should. I LOVE FOOD.

Tonight I created a delicious pumpkin soup that contained apples, celery, garlic and bacon. I had a recipe I was going off of, but I ended up making little substitutions and additions along the way. Like the bacon. And it was quite possibly the best thing I've put in my mouth all week. 

Some people eat to live. Some people live to eat. It is my life goal to savor every meal and every minute. 

And as far as Pinterest? I have 62 more recipes pinned than I have wedding ideas. 

Priorities in place? Check.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,

Catherine

Deserving of Love

Every Tuesday night I have an adoration hour at the parish near my house. I committed to this hour last Lent, because I felt like I needed more focus and discipline in my week. Probably one of the best Lenten decisions I've ever made, because I think I need more focus now than I did back in March. 

I'm going to be honest, sometimes I'm more focused than others. But hey, sometimes I'm really tired. Or there are birds playing outside the windows (seriously, all the walls are glass. It's like a distraction waiting to happen). But on a serious note, sometimes its a lot easier for me to enter into prayer than others.

Tonight, it was easy. The chapel was pretty dark with only a few lights shining on the Eucharist as the sun set. There were only a few other people in the chapel with me. It was still. It was quiet.

I said a rosary, and then I intended to reflect on the daily readings. But instead, I pondered something that spontaneously popped up in my mind.

Why do I love God?

No...but really. There is an awful lot of "love" in my life right now, what with being engaged and all. And I think and pray a lot about it. How to love, why we love, what love consists of. It's a lot to pray about. But why do I love God?

Because He is worthy of love.

One of (what I consider to be) the most memorable lines I ever said in a talk I gave to young people was, "God loved us first. You can't beat Him to the punch." Seriously. Our love for God is and must be a response. We can initiate it. We can't even begin to come close to matching it. Our love for God is a response. 

He is the One who loved me into existence, cares for me at every minute of my life, and will never cease in His love for me. And growing up in a strong Catholic family, I've always known that. He is worthy and deserving of my love. My love for Him is a gift in return for a gift so much greater.

When I first started truly living out my faith, I loved God because I realized Who He Is and what He has done for me. And He is deserving of my love. Then I grew to know Him more, and in knowing Him I grew to love Him more. 

Okay.

So...why do I love the people in my life?

Well...because they are also worthy of my love.

But hold on. It's different. They didn't create me. They don't really specifically care for my needs. And their love can definitely fail...because it isn't perfect like God's love is. So this love is obviously different. Of course I desire to show love to everyone that I meet, because they are each deserving of love. But what about falling in love?

When I started falling in love with my fiancé it wasn't because I realized my need for him or my lack without him. It was because I started to get to know him. And in knowing him, I grew to love him more. 

Love is a choice. Love is a response. 

My love for God is a response to Who He Is. And so is my love for my fiancé, or  for my closest friends or my family. My love for them is a response to who they are and the goodness that each of them has been created with. Because they are all deserving of love.

And I am deserving of love. By virtue of the fact that I am loved by Love Himself.

......

I'm going to be honest, this whole blog post isn't in any way, shape or form a complete thought. But I'm marveling at the complexity and beauty of Love. 

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,
Catherine

He Gives Generously

"Generously You give to the one who will ask

Seeing Your children in need You are quick to act

How firm a foundation the rock upon which we stand

Your goodness does not run dry when all else has passed

You give good gifts to Your children

You lavish Your love on Your Bride 

We shall not thirst and we shall not want

Generously You give, and You satisfy"

This has been a big theme for me lately. The generosity of the Lord.

Right now its pretty easy to see the ways that God is being generous in His care for me. I'm engaged to an incredible, Christ-centered man. I work for a ministry that I'm passionate about. I have some of the absolute best people for friends. Life is exciting and new and wonderful. And so it's easy for me rejoice. It's easy for me to see the goodness of the Lord in my every day life. 

But I do have a frame of reference for this joy. Four and a half years ago I was at a very different point in my life. There were a lot of dead ends. I didn't know myself very well. I was living in tiny-town Iowa, working part time, unsure of what I wanted to do with my life, moving in a different direction than a lot of my friends and lonely in a lot my decisions. I couldn't fathom how things might change. 

The years in between have been filled with a lot of opportunities for growth, both personally and spiritually. I have come to see my beauty, to recognize my goodness and to seek the Lord above all else. But I have also discovered the joy and reward in praising God when it is easy to see His generosity, AND when it is not so easy.

"Thank You, Lord, when You give

Praise You still when You take"

As I have come to know and love Christ more, I have been able to see His generosity in both the giving and the taking. Some of the greatest goods in my life have come through giving up something else. I have experienced some of my greatest joys when I give up my own plan or even my own desires and let God do His thing. 

The thing is, my life will not always be like this. I'll be the first one to point out that...this is about as exciting as I'm ever going to get :) Before too long (in 230 days, to be exact) I'll get married and then I'll settle back into the background of ordinary life. I'll have to learn how to live with my husband, love him when I'm in a bad mood, serve him when I feel like being selfish and die to myself in lots of really "boring" ordinary ways. And that will be my path to holiness. The funny thing is that I'm excited for all of these ordinary things.

And regardless of the whether my life is "ordinary" or not...things move in seasons. Right now is a season of joy and excitement and newness in my life. But there will be seasons of pain and struggle and loss. There will be seasons that seem stale or old or insignificant. There will be other seasons of joy, some probably far greater than this. But they will each have their turn.

Here's the thing. I use the phrase "I love my life!" and awful lot. Maybe too often :) But it is my prayer that I never stop saying that. Even if when things are harder. I don't want to lose this sense of wonder and awe at the generosity of the Lord. I want to continue to marvel at His goodness...when He gives and when He takes. I don't want to draw near to Christ only when its easy for me to see the ways He is lavishing His love on me. I want to be constant. "In good times and in bad, in sickness and in health". God never ceases in His goodness. I should never grow complacent in my gratitude.

"You give good gifts to Your children

You lavish Your love on Your Bride 

We shall not thirst and we shall not want

Generously You give, and You satisfy"

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,

Catherine

My Favorite Things: Fall

Yesterday was the first day I could taste it. AUTUMN. Now, granted, it was like 83 degress today. But the air is starting to cool, and the gentle breeze is starting to blow brightly colored leaves through the air. It's just starting, but I can't wait for Fall to be in full swing. 

Fall is my favorite season. When I was little I would always say, "I want to be in love in the Fall." It's a terribly romantic season to me. I love absolutely everything about Fall, except how quickly it turns into Winter. Pumpkins, apple cider, sweaters, brightly colored leaves...I love it all and I wish it would last longer. This sounds weird, but I have always felt the most alive during the Fall. Every time I walk outside I feel like dancing around and singing. I feel almost adventurous. 

Fall always reminds me of how quickly things change. Of course, there are the tangible physical reminders of changing leaves and cooler weather. But because I have such an affection for Fall, and because it is such a short season in the year, it reminds me to savor the good and the beauty around me.

This time next year, I will be married. My life will be radically different. Right now I'm kind of floating on the cloud of the hopes and dreams that I see becoming a reality in my life. And next year I'll be living that reality. And I just want to drink this all in.

"Learn to savor how good the Lord is" (Psalm 34:9) I don't like change (so it's ironic that I love Fall). When there is a good in my life, I want to cling to it. And the reality is, there is a LOT of good in my life. My friends, the city where I live, my job, my past experiences, my future plans. They are all so good. But the past couple of years I have grown in my appreciation for the "seasons" that the Lord has for me in my life. Things will change. Things need to change in order for me to receive the good that God has for me. 

So I feel like this Fall is going to be extra special in my heart. First of all, because that little girl dream of being in love in the Fall came true :) And second of all, I think the Lord is reminding me to savor His goodness...and to be ready to give and receive as He calls me. To savor His goodness, to delight in His love, and to be grateful with every breath for every breath.

Here's to the love of the Lord...and pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,

Catherine

"You Are Good"

"You guard my way, You guide my steps

Even though I should walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I will not fear

Though mountains high or valleys low

You are guiding my path in ways that I cannot know

Your love is strong

Should joy be great or sorrow more

In Your love You are keeping my every breath secure

You are my hope

The way is not safe

These storms they will rage on

And though I am not brave

I know You are good."

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,

Catherine

Carpe Now

At the recommendation of several friends, I've decided to start this blog.

As I always say...carpe now!

My hesitancy in blogging (or writing in general, for that matter) is that I'm never sure what to say. Which is ironic, considering how much I talk. But its not like I have any particular field of expertise or any great knowledge or wisdom to share with the world. 

But at the same time, maybe I do have something to share. Not wisdom, per se. But I think there is something to be said for the sharing of the ordinary and the mundane...because in it we find the incredible and the beautiful. 

Not that my life is exactly mundane at the moment. Actually, a lot is going on in my life right now. I just got engaged (*insert girly screams of excitement*). And...yep. Well, I got engaged. BUT that pretty much means that life as I have known it is forever radically changed. As my wise mother pointed out to me "You have spent your entire life not being married, and it's going to be a long time before you've been married longer than you were not married". TRUTH. So this is going to be a pretty significant switch. A lot of change, a lot of new, a lot of hard, and a lot of absolutely amazing. 

So that could be interesting and exciting. I know for a fact that this whole "being-engaged-to-a-guy-who-wants-to-spend-the-rest-of-his-life-with-me" business has been calling me on to more self-examination and prayer. Because marriage is the vocation that I am going to be sanctified by. This is how I'm going to become holy. And I want to be prepared start preparing for that reality.

Because this holiness stuff is tricky business. It's what we were made for, and yet it seems that everything makes that goal difficult. Matthew 5:48 (one of my favorite Scripture verses) tells us to "Be perfect just as your heavenly Father is perfect." But Romans 3:23 reminds us that, "...all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Both of these are true, and this is the paradox that I have been reflecting on today. I can't use my sinfulness as an excuse for complacency. I want to set the bar high for myself and strive for a "still more excellent way" (1 Cor. 12:31). For me, writing is a way to reflect and examine and externally-process all this holiness/life stuff. Which is important, because I definitely don't have it figured out yet. But maybe this blog can be a part of that.

So maybe no one will read this blog (except for me when I attempt to proof-read it). Or maybe five people will. But quite possibly there will be a time in the future when I can look back on what I've written and gain something from the time capsule of thoughts and ponderings and ideas and dreams that could gather here. And maybe someone else can glean something from my ramblings. 

Be forewarned: there are bound to be things that I'm going to talk about a lot. They are as follows...

• Jesus: I should hope, because He should be first and foremost. 
• My fiancè: because I kind of like him ;) 
• Food: because I just really really like food. A lot. 

This is a bit long. Maybe I had more to write about than I thought I did. 

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,
Catherine